Kazuma did thi-- [He stops and stares at Manabu, shock clearly evident in his expression. Kazuma did what now? His mind is racing with a million thoughts, but nothing makes sense. Why would he-- what could have possessed him-- Trench had its strange months but to have him go from punching Manabu to kissing him... Ryunosuke's chest feels heavy, his heart constricting at thoughts that he's told himself he wouldn't have.
It wasn't fair to keep comparing himself to Kazuma, to him or his friend.]
He kissed you? [He says quietly, withdrawing his hand from his chin.
[insistent:] I said “what’s your problem,” he said I was the problem, an-and then he! Yeah! I don’t know, he-! I!
[he steps around him to pace, hands pressed on the back of his neck. he feels like throwing up a little - not out of disgust, but of confusion, of shame.]
I was… so confused. So angry, Ryuunosuke! I! And before I could think again, I—
[his hands drag to his face, turning away from him.
after a loud exhale:] I pushed him off me after. After I, I realized what I was doing. Because me, too… I don’t know why, and all I could do was yell at him to get the hell away!
[What does he say? It sounds like-- but that couldn't possibly... they wouldn't. Would they? He furrows his brows, watching as Manabu starts to pace around the room. He's left mostly speechless, not sure how to wrap his head around what's happening. Manabu was making some sense, but other parts he was lost on.
He follows him further into the room, watching him in confusion before he waves his hands a bit.]
So let me get this straight. Kazuma found you, punched you in the face, but then he kissed you. [A pause, his hands lowering.] And you... kissed him back?
[Oh.
Oh. It's like a pin dropping, everything going static. If that was the case then... where did that leave him?]
I don’t know why! [he whirls around, eyes wide and expression tormented. seeing that look on Ryuunosuke’s face might kill him if he looks too long; he turns away.]
I don’t…I don’t know why. What’s going on. If it’s my blood, if it’s some Pthumerian, I…I don’t know!
And worse, I…I don’t know if that’s what made him like that. And why I…I told him to leave me alone. Us, I mean.
…I …I told him to leave us alone. And he said goodbye. And that’s. That’s all I know.
[He doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know what to do. What could he say? He's not...angry. He should be angry but he just doesn't feel any sort of anger or even disappointment. He's not even surprised by what happened. He rubs his face, shaking his head as he tries to really comprehend what is going on. Should he be the one stepping aside?]
He said goodbye?! [What did that mean?]
We should - we should find him. Maybe we can talk through this. [He's not even sure how he's feeling, let alone what will happen if Kazuma and Manabu get together again.]
[why hasn't Ryuu hit him yet? or...or at least looked like he wanted to hit him? or worse: looked just plain disappointed. Manabu had already painted this sequence crudely in his head, and it's clear by the way his expression strains and struggles to understand what's being asked of him, all while still bracing for some kind of retaliation that simply isn't coming.
talk?] Talk...? Wh--but, but didn't you hear me? He said-- I'm the problem! If I-- [his teeth click together as he clenches his jaw tightly, biting back on the fears spilling out of him, shaking his head.]
N...N-no, no you're...you're right. I--I have to make this right. It's on me to make this right! [he looks down at his hands and, peripherally, at his omen who is looking back up at him with alertness.]
Anything less is...cowardice...and you deserve better. [than him!!!] Y-you both do. So.
[At least not the sense that it came across as. He knows Kazuma, despite all that's come between them. There must be something deeper going on that he can't explain - or maybe it was just the Pthumerians wrecking their lives. All that he knows is that he's deeply confused by what he's feeling and maybe it would be best if Manabu and Kazuma talked it out.]
I don't think it's just on you to make it right. [He adds on, taking a step forward.] Kazuma is as much to blame. [Do you feel the same for him as you do me? Would you prefer Kazuma? He needs to stop thinking this way. Yes, between the two of them Kazuma was the more popular, more handsome, more interesting -- which is why he's not surprised, but that just makes it worse doesn't it? That somewhere, deep down he assumed something like this would happen. He feels guilty for those thoughts, it twisted up in him, threatening to drag him down.]
I just think... maybe talking it through will help. I don't know. I don't know. [He admits with a frown.] I mean- do you like him? Like that? [Does he really want to know?]
[Manabu breathes it out with genuine confusion.] Wh-what...what kind of... [despite his face getting hot, he steps forward, trying to straighten up, fists at his sides.] That doesn't make sense! Because you're, you're the one I-! From the start, I've been looking at you!
[and there's no possibility of seeing anyone else; the very suggestion someone could have feelings for another person when they've already established a relationship is foreign to him - he doesn't know the gray areas of these kinds of things!
you agree to date, you can no longer find appeal in anyone else. that's what makes sense to him! anything more is...
...
he can't think about that right now. it makes his chest hurt, scares him more with the unknown possibilities, taunts him with the faint impression of Kazuma's lips on his and his knuckles on his face. before he can think too much on it, he advances again, daring to reach over and grab at Ryuunosuke's hands, clutching both of them.]
I don't know what's going on, but--but whatever is going on...I'm not going to let it steal my feelings for you! Even if I'm the problem. They're still my feelings!
[He starts to argue, but he cuts himself off. That didn't mean that Manabu didn't like Kazuma as more than just a friend, but he can see it in his expression, the way he clutches his hands, that he might not really know exactly what he's feeling either. He smiles a little, grasping Manabu's hands in return in a reassuring gesture.]
That's my point, though. They're your feelings. I don't think that's going to change whether you like me or Kazuma. [There's a pause.] I'm sorry that I doubted that you might... have stopped feeling that way for me. [It was just for a moment - a moment of weakness - but it still happened.] I just thought...
[He doesn't finish that sentence.]
You know I'm not mad... right? [Beacuse if there is one thing he's still trying to figure out is how he's feeling about all of this.
Cause something's tipping, changing course, and he's not sure where this path is going to lead them.]
[that remark is met with more confusion - not as viscerally frightened as moments before, but still quite at a loss... the squeeze that comes back to Ryuunosuke is one born of that unease - a twitch, a tension he's still trapped in because of this unknown, uncomfortable circumstance.]
I... I mean-- If...if anyone should be mad, it's you, right? I think. I, I don't know. This is...way over my head in...in so many ways, I just-- [he ducks his head.
he cannot lose Ryuunosuke, too-! he'd be so alone.]
I just want to fix this! So you don't...have to be mad. Or, or sad, or anything like that!
I know. [He squeezes his hand again in encouragement.] And ... we will. You won't have to be alone. We can do this together.
[Emotions were messy, uneasy things, and if there was one thing he knew out of how he was feeling? He wasn't going to lose Manabu. He couldn't. Even if this ended with them just remaining as friends---
No. No, he wasn't going to think that way. Manabu wanted to fix this. Ryunosuke wanted to make things right as well.
He's worried that this is only going to get more complicated by the end of it, however, because they still need to account for Kazuma. It was strange to think of him as the wild card in all of this.]
You told Kazuma to leave... that's what you said earlier right? Do you know where he went?
[at the hand's prompting, Manabu lifts his gaze, his brow still furrowed. don't blame him?? really? Ryuunosuke can really baffle him with his seemingly-infinite patience... but not the resolve.]
...Mn. Okay.
[he has to fix it too, right? so...so forget beating himself up; they've got a lawman to chase down!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-07-17 08:18 pm (UTC)It wasn't fair to keep comparing himself to Kazuma, to him or his friend.]
He kissed you? [He says quietly, withdrawing his hand from his chin.
He doesn't know what to say.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-17 09:09 pm (UTC)[he steps around him to pace, hands pressed on the back of his neck. he feels like throwing up a little - not out of disgust, but of confusion, of shame.]
I was… so confused. So angry, Ryuunosuke! I! And before I could think again, I—
[his hands drag to his face, turning away from him.
after a loud exhale:] I pushed him off me after. After I, I realized what I was doing. Because me, too… I don’t know why, and all I could do was yell at him to get the hell away!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-17 10:06 pm (UTC)He follows him further into the room, watching him in confusion before he waves his hands a bit.]
So let me get this straight. Kazuma found you, punched you in the face, but then he kissed you. [A pause, his hands lowering.] And you... kissed him back?
[Oh.
Oh. It's like a pin dropping, everything going static. If that was the case then... where did that leave him?]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-17 10:43 pm (UTC)I don’t…I don’t know why. What’s going on. If it’s my blood, if it’s some Pthumerian, I…I don’t know!
And worse, I…I don’t know if that’s what made him like that. And why I…I told him to leave me alone. Us, I mean.
…I …I told him to leave us alone. And he said goodbye. And that’s. That’s all I know.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 12:50 am (UTC)[He doesn't know what to say. Doesn't know what to do. What could he say? He's not...angry. He should be angry but he just doesn't feel any sort of anger or even disappointment. He's not even surprised by what happened. He rubs his face, shaking his head as he tries to really comprehend what is going on. Should he be the one stepping aside?]
He said goodbye?! [What did that mean?]
We should - we should find him. Maybe we can talk through this. [He's not even sure how he's feeling, let alone what will happen if Kazuma and Manabu get together again.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 12:56 am (UTC)talk?] Talk...? Wh--but, but didn't you hear me? He said-- I'm the problem! If I-- [his teeth click together as he clenches his jaw tightly, biting back on the fears spilling out of him, shaking his head.]
N...N-no, no you're...you're right. I--I have to make this right. It's on me to make this right! [he looks down at his hands and, peripherally, at his omen who is looking back up at him with alertness.]
Anything less is...cowardice...and you deserve better. [than him!!!] Y-you both do. So.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 01:06 am (UTC)[At least not the sense that it came across as. He knows Kazuma, despite all that's come between them. There must be something deeper going on that he can't explain - or maybe it was just the Pthumerians wrecking their lives. All that he knows is that he's deeply confused by what he's feeling and maybe it would be best if Manabu and Kazuma talked it out.]
I don't think it's just on you to make it right. [He adds on, taking a step forward.] Kazuma is as much to blame. [Do you feel the same for him as you do me? Would you prefer Kazuma? He needs to stop thinking this way. Yes, between the two of them Kazuma was the more popular, more handsome, more interesting -- which is why he's not surprised, but that just makes it worse doesn't it? That somewhere, deep down he assumed something like this would happen. He feels guilty for those thoughts, it twisted up in him, threatening to drag him down.]
I just think... maybe talking it through will help. I don't know. I don't know. [He admits with a frown.] I mean- do you like him? Like that? [Does he really want to know?]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-18 01:13 am (UTC)[Manabu breathes it out with genuine confusion.] Wh-what...what kind of... [despite his face getting hot, he steps forward, trying to straighten up, fists at his sides.] That doesn't make sense! Because you're, you're the one I-! From the start, I've been looking at you!
[and there's no possibility of seeing anyone else; the very suggestion someone could have feelings for another person when they've already established a relationship is foreign to him - he doesn't know the gray areas of these kinds of things!
you agree to date, you can no longer find appeal in anyone else. that's what makes sense to him! anything more is...
...
he can't think about that right now. it makes his chest hurt, scares him more with the unknown possibilities, taunts him with the faint impression of Kazuma's lips on his and his knuckles on his face. before he can think too much on it, he advances again, daring to reach over and grab at Ryuunosuke's hands, clutching both of them.]
I don't know what's going on, but--but whatever is going on...I'm not going to let it steal my feelings for you! Even if I'm the problem. They're still my feelings!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-19 12:18 am (UTC)[He starts to argue, but he cuts himself off. That didn't mean that Manabu didn't like Kazuma as more than just a friend, but he can see it in his expression, the way he clutches his hands, that he might not really know exactly what he's feeling either. He smiles a little, grasping Manabu's hands in return in a reassuring gesture.]
That's my point, though. They're your feelings. I don't think that's going to change whether you like me or Kazuma. [There's a pause.] I'm sorry that I doubted that you might... have stopped feeling that way for me. [It was just for a moment - a moment of weakness - but it still happened.] I just thought...
[He doesn't finish that sentence.]
You know I'm not mad... right? [Beacuse if there is one thing he's still trying to figure out is how he's feeling about all of this.
Cause something's tipping, changing course, and he's not sure where this path is going to lead them.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-19 12:29 am (UTC)I... I mean-- If...if anyone should be mad, it's you, right? I think. I, I don't know. This is...way over my head in...in so many ways, I just-- [he ducks his head.
he cannot lose Ryuunosuke, too-! he'd be so alone.]
I just want to fix this! So you don't...have to be mad. Or, or sad, or anything like that!
no subject
Date: 2022-07-31 06:56 pm (UTC)[Emotions were messy, uneasy things, and if there was one thing he knew out of how he was feeling? He wasn't going to lose Manabu. He couldn't. Even if this ended with them just remaining as friends---
No. No, he wasn't going to think that way. Manabu wanted to fix this. Ryunosuke wanted to make things right as well.
He's worried that this is only going to get more complicated by the end of it, however, because they still need to account for Kazuma. It was strange to think of him as the wild card in all of this.]
You told Kazuma to leave... that's what you said earlier right? Do you know where he went?
no subject
Date: 2022-07-31 07:09 pm (UTC)It...It was down in Willful Machine, though? Where he hit me. I don't know if he'd stick around, though.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-31 07:21 pm (UTC)We should look for him - maybe... maybe we can talk about this. Or at the very least get an explanation from him.
[He reaches out to cup Manabu's cheek.]
And we'll fix this. I'm sure.
[He has to be.]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-31 07:25 pm (UTC)...Mn. Okay.
[he has to fix it too, right? so...so forget beating himself up; they've got a lawman to chase down!
EDITOR CUT TO THE OCEAN DRAMA]