The smile soon fades, however, when Kazuma asks him what is keeping him up. He shifts in his seat, lifting his legs up again to draw his knees to his chest.]
Oh, it's nothing really. It's late. Why don't we try and get some sleep?
You don't really expect me to believe that, do you? That it's nothing...[How could it be? When even the thought of it seemed to cause him to draw up into a defensive ball?]
...Is it what's happened in the past month? [That seems the most likely connection.]
[Caught again. He sighs, turning away from Kazuma as he looks at his feet.]
It's nothing you need to worry about. [He says quietly. His eyes dart over at his question, and he tries not to move, but he slowly nods his head in the affimative. Definitely about what happened in the past month.]
Ryuu...[The attempt to brush him off is met with a sigh. And the confirmation that follows very nearly earns another one. Instead, he shifts to face him more fully. He reaches out, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.]
You must know by now, where you're concerned, I will worry. You mean too much to me, for me to ignore when you are dealing with something. [He looks him over, the concern clearly etched on his face.] You...don't want to talk about it, do you?
It's not a matter of having to worry...I just think it comes with the territory of caring about you.
[He may not have relaxed completely, but it is a relief to see Ryunosuke start to unfurl himself form the defense posture. He knows his partner trusts him, but it still hurts to see him so closed off.]
I understand...I think it is something we need to talk about. Eventually. And I will be here to listen when you are ready to do so. [There was a lot tangled up in it, but Kazuma knows it's not something to press. He was there, he can imagine why he's not in a place where he's willing to talk about it yet.]
Do I really need to talk about it? [He asks, almost with a whine as he rubs his face.] I don't particularly want to relive the details of my demise, but it constantly haunts my dreams.
[He doesn't want to talk, but at the same time, maybe talking will help -- just not now.] I thought if I stayed up late enough exhaustion would take me. So far I'm just tired but not enough to sleep.
I think you do. [He knows it isn't what he wants to hear, but he isn't going to lie to him either.] And if you talked to me, you wouldn't have to go through all the details...
[He'd actually rather not relive it either if he's honest. But Ryunosuke had to talk about it with someone, and he would gladly volunteer.] If you don't make moves to actually process anything, it will only get worse.
...We could try to sleep first if you'd like. It may come easier with some company.
I know. I know, I just... I don't think I'm ready to talk about it.
[Which means it's likely going to need to be forced out of him. He wasn't planning on talking about his death any time soon. What was healthy processing? He still has not processed the Sleeper Farm.]
Company? [He glances over at Kazuma, before he nods.] Company would be nice, actually.
I'm not sure that there is a moment of being truly ready to talk about this sort of thing. You just...have to at some point. [As though he could really talk, when it came right down to it.] I...don't want to force it out of you. But I won't simply let it drop either.
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Date: 2022-10-02 11:01 pm (UTC)The smile soon fades, however, when Kazuma asks him what is keeping him up. He shifts in his seat, lifting his legs up again to draw his knees to his chest.]
Oh, it's nothing really. It's late. Why don't we try and get some sleep?
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Date: 2022-10-02 11:05 pm (UTC)...Is it what's happened in the past month? [That seems the most likely connection.]
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Date: 2022-10-02 11:09 pm (UTC)It's nothing you need to worry about. [He says quietly. His eyes dart over at his question, and he tries not to move, but he slowly nods his head in the affimative. Definitely about what happened in the past month.]
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Date: 2022-10-02 11:17 pm (UTC)You must know by now, where you're concerned, I will worry. You mean too much to me, for me to ignore when you are dealing with something. [He looks him over, the concern clearly etched on his face.] You...don't want to talk about it, do you?
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Date: 2022-10-02 11:26 pm (UTC)[He drops one of his feet back onto the floor, trying to unfurl himself, to make himself look more open and less defensive.]
Not particularly. [He hates admitting that cause he knows he can go to Kazuma about anything.]
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Date: 2022-10-02 11:32 pm (UTC)[He may not have relaxed completely, but it is a relief to see Ryunosuke start to unfurl himself form the defense posture. He knows his partner trusts him, but it still hurts to see him so closed off.]
I understand...I think it is something we need to talk about. Eventually. And I will be here to listen when you are ready to do so. [There was a lot tangled up in it, but Kazuma knows it's not something to press. He was there, he can imagine why he's not in a place where he's willing to talk about it yet.]
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Date: 2022-10-03 09:45 pm (UTC)[He doesn't want to talk, but at the same time, maybe talking will help -- just not now.] I thought if I stayed up late enough exhaustion would take me. So far I'm just tired but not enough to sleep.
I'm not sure what else to do.
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Date: 2022-10-03 10:50 pm (UTC)[He'd actually rather not relive it either if he's honest. But Ryunosuke had to talk about it with someone, and he would gladly volunteer.] If you don't make moves to actually process anything, it will only get worse.
...We could try to sleep first if you'd like. It may come easier with some company.
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Date: 2022-10-03 11:33 pm (UTC)[Which means it's likely going to need to be forced out of him. He wasn't planning on talking about his death any time soon. What was healthy processing? He still has not processed the Sleeper Farm.]
Company? [He glances over at Kazuma, before he nods.] Company would be nice, actually.
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Date: 2022-10-03 11:36 pm (UTC)[Stubborn.]
...Yours or mine?